it’s bliss

i remember days when i furiously jotted down lyrics as i heard a favorite song play on the radio. or when i had to stand by the whole afternoon, wait for it to be played, and record it on a cassette tape, just to understand what the heck the singer was saying, and try to make sense of the phrases.

mababaw ito, pero salamat talaga sa internet at napakadali ng makakuha ng kumpletong lyrics kagaya ng kantang ito. let’s singalong now!

i think of you as i listen to this. you know who you are.

"You’re My Flame"
Zero 7
The Garden

You take a stroll into the morning sun
You make a Happy Meal a portion for one

You steal the wallet of a man with a gun
You make this seem like a whole lot of fun
Yeah you do

You’ll make new shapes with your hands on a wall
You’re driving a nail while you’re taking a call
You wouldn’t care if you had nothing at all
Instead of chasing the dream
You’re just chasing a ball
Yeah you are

You’re just dodging all the friendly fire
You’re never dressed in the right attire
You miss the start of every game
You’re my flame

You make hay when the sun don’t shine
You don’t need a dollar, you don’t need a dime
You burn at both ends yet still you’re fine
You’re my flame

Teach me to haggle
I’ll teach you to swim
Get right back on the saddle
Push me on a swing

Take me to Rio
I’ll take you to Berlin
I’ll give you some yarn
And you’ll give it some spin
Yes you will

Now you’re sitting sure, yes, in an old tree
You’ve tied our legs, and so now we have three
You dip your toes into the ice cold sea
I see your reflection, your reflection is me
Yes I am

You’re just dodging all the friendly fire
You’re never dressed in the right attire
You miss the start of every game
You’re my flame

You make hay when the sun don’t shine
You don’t need a dollar, you don’t need a dime
You burn at both ends yet still you’re fine
You’re my flame

You’re my flame
You’re my flame
You’re my flame

You’re my flame
You’re my flame
You’re my flame

the conversation drifted towards celphone purchases, and a friend jokingly complains that he will never have a reason to buy a new unit since his he could never get rid of his old one. once, he left it in the mrt (slipped out of his shorts pocket). before he realized it, he was already off the northbound train in quezon avenue station. but as soon as he did, he dashed across the station bridge and waited for the train to make its return.

after the train traveled to the last station (north avenue) then back to quezon avenue, my friend enters the train to search, and alas, it was still there on the seat!

i was amazed. i was awestruck. IMAGINE THAT. no one stole it! and it’s not like his phone was some chupipay, uncolored, out-of-style, uncool "junk". it was one of those dirt-/dust-/shock-proof nokia models with a colored screen and everything.

it was a quick story but it stole made my insides to a quick backflip. all hope is not lost, i thought. there remains honest filipinos.

then, of course, another friend jumps in and says that’s impossible for people not to have stolen it. that it was mistaken for a bomb. kasi ganon nangyari sa lrt diba; may iniwan na celphone sa tren at ng may pumulot at pumindot nito, biglang sumabog. and he is certain that that’s the reason why no one picked up the phone.

…

it makes sense. i suppose a large majority have been incited with fear. but i’d rather place my bet on the contrary: that at least one, un-paranoid person saw the celphone, and decided to leave it be. crazy it may seem, but i want to believe that there is still some (if not heaps of) good left in us.

i thank god for [the occasional] light work load.

because it gives me more time to sleep;
more time spent actually conversing with my family (rather than just muttering hello’s and goodbye’s out of the daily morning and evening rush);
more time with catching up with my friends;
more time sharing more pleasant & less stressful [work-related] things to my boyfriend.

it also gives me more time to focus my energy on things i don’t normally do. it gives me the chance to feel less of a self-centered, naive, apathetic, middle-class girl which i feel i am 90% of the time. it incites a certain rebelliousness in me, enough to drive my fingers to click away to websites and scribble away thoughts, ideas, and plans of how to make some sort of impact to my society, right in the middle of "work hours". it is by this act i feel most effected, because it is exactly what i most seldom get a chance to do.
and when it is here, when i am caught up in the emotions of learning, dreaming, and aspiring, i cry for my inability to devote ALL of my time and effort to it. i feel weak,  worthless and genuinely selfish.

but moments later, after that painful truth has yet again hit me, i realize i am still thankful. because there exists people who are stronger than me, who can give their life to the cause. and they are there to eternally remind me that even if i am not strong enough, i can still help. i can still do something. and i can still make a difference.

breaking a habit, a routine, or doing something new in general, really uplifts and gives me a whole new energy. even if it isn’t a VERY new thing, as in, first time ever in my life event, or even if it isn’t very out-of-this-world or one-in-a-million, as long as it is different from what i normally do, it just pushes my normally-low level of energy up a notch.

like, whenever i ride a jeep. and a tricycle. or commute all alone.

or when there are school presentations that require you stand up in front of class.

when eating in a new restaurant.

when going out with my family/friends on nights when i usually don’t.

or when i discover a new cool song to listen to, or even better, a new artist whose whole album i can learn to love.

whenever i remember this–that the simplest, smallest shifts in routine can cause great shifts in my forsaken mood–i just wanna knock myself in the head for ever feeling down. but at the same time, i’m thankful that i can still tell the difference and that i even have the energy to write this entry and put the lesson on record.