it’s bliss

usual setting. i’m picked up from the mrt. my mom drives. and along quezon avenue, as the light turns green in crossing the intersection of agham (quezon circle-bound), a young man on a bike and his sidecar crosses our path going towards the OPPOSITE direction of the traffic.

who won’t be bummed?  cars are raring to go; he has no lights, no reflectors; and he has the guts to "welcome" all vehicles with wide open arms.

my mom exasperates, "hayyyy!!!…sana pwedeng sagasaan na lang sila at walang mangsisisi sa’yo…eh di okay na sana…"

no wonder i have the same intentions

i’m almost there, but not quite. i have an idea of what the next steps are, but only an idea. everything is half-baked–if not even less–at this point.

even the negative feelings seem un-whole, like, if positive/negative feelings were put in a pie, there would be 3 out of 8 slices that were positive.

what am i saying here. i THINK i know what i want to do; i THINK i’m willing to stick it out.

i also THINK i’m now able to (better) discern what i should be emotionally involved with; what things/which people i need not exert extra effort understanding.

at the same time, i THINK i know what I should be more involved with.

my priorities are shifting. my view of people and the world are evolving. i’m willing to place stronger efforts on things i was hesitant to in the past.

damn. only after nine months. patience really is a virtue.

and because of this progression (?), i actually feel older. but in a good way, of course.

*********************

on the lighter side of life:

with blown-up shots of his face meeting me every morning along edsa, i couldn’t help but think that manny villar has a long-lost brother by the name of buzz lightyear.

i haven’t felt good about myself lately. i fulfill my responsibilities at work but the fact that i dislike work being the only thing occupying my time makes me feel–overall–just, well, bad. makes me feel inefficient. makes me feel unproductive. especially coming from college when i felt like i can do 10 things at the same time. me, the master of multi-tasking. an expert despite of sleep deprivation. lord of time management.

wahahahaha. it has come to this. kailangan ko ng purihin ang sarili ko. can you read P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C?

but anyway. just wanted to share this song that’s been playing in my music player and in my head for the past few days. happy, happy song. lifts my mood. makes me smile.

"WONDER"
Natalie Merchant

Doctors have come
from distant cities
just to see me
stand over my bed
disbelieving what they’re seeing

they say I must be one of the wonders
of god’s own creation
and as far as they see they can offer
no explanation

newspapers ask
intimate questions
want confessions
they reach into my head
to steal the glory
of my story

they say I must be one of the wonders
of god’s own creation
and as far as they see they can offer
no explanation

I believe
fate smiled and destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience
and with faith
she’ll make her way"

people see me
I’m a challenge
to your balance
I’m over your heads
how I confound you
and astound you
to know I must be one of the wonders
of god’s own creation
and as far as you see you can offer me
no explanation

I believe
fate smiled and destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
laughed as she came to my mother
"know this child will not suffer"
laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience
and with faith
she’ll make her way"