it’s bliss

I’ve always enjoyed reading horoscopes and the sort. Just this morning I read aloud my [year of the rat] fortunes for the year of the dog. It was pretty bad–said something about how i have to be careful about driving home late at night and about needing to take good care of my health. Nevertheless, at least I’m getting a lot of warning rather than setting my expectations for a fantastic year that might not actually become real, right?

I can be such a realist. And my tendency for objectivity even got more backup as I received this free astrology report from brithdayalarm.com. Hehehe, wala lang, just amused, because I do see myself this way in a lot of instances. Makes me wonder if it’s really who I am.

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Section 1: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation
    You
are a freedom-loving, strong-willed, and independent-minded individual,
and you insist upon living your own life as you see fit, even if that
means ignoring convention and tradition. In personal relationships you
cannot be owned or possessed, and while you are willing to share
yourself with another, you do not always adjust easily to the emotional
give and take of a close relationship. Though intellectually open, you
can be enormously stubborn, opinionated, and inflexible on a one-to-one
level. You have strong convictions and feelings about fairness and
equality, and you try to live by your ideals, but your ideals about how
people SHOULD treat one another don’t always take into account human
weaknesses, differences, and needs. You probably dislike sentimentality
and traditional gender roles and "games".

Section 2: Mental Interests and Abilities
    Clear,
objective, and realistic, you are unimpressed by exaggerated claims or
promises. You insist upon being shown facts to back up any statement
you hear, and your natural skepticism often borders on cynicism. You
approach problems clearly and rationally and maintain your poise and
objectivity even in the midst of critical situations. Anyone seeking
your advice is certain to get an unemotional and unbiased assessment of
their situation, and you therefore make a good arbitrator or judge. You
are thorough, conscientious, and disciplined in your thinking, and have
an aptitude for business, organization, and administration. You are
also a good strategist, and will plan and patiently follow a realistic
course which will lead to your eventual success. Serious-minded and
studious, you enjoy quiet time alone for thinking or reading.

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Another reason why I find this astrology report so timely is that I’ve recently been doing a lot of thinking about jobs and what jobs I’m really prone to like or what jobs would fit my personality. Wondering if this reading is accurate to base my choice of careers on.

Some reasons why I never wanted to work in the corporate world while I was growing up re-entered my mind over the past week:

• It takes a while to see the fruits of your effort. You work in such a large company that your contribution is equal to a teaspoon on baking sode in a cake. Even if you know that the cake would never be a cake without your being there, it’s still not the same as completely whipping up your own whole pastry. You’re one ant in giant ant hill that it sometimes becomes hard to feel just how vital you are to the company you work for.
• You don’t have a say on how other people work. Not that I want to meddle in the work habits of others, but it’s inevitable to work with other departments…and while you see that there’s room for improvement, it’s really none of your business, so you have to live with the culture, no matter how much you don’t like it. Unlike if it’s a smaller organization, you know everyone and since you’re all colleagues, there is more possibility for sharing and opinion-giving because you won’t be stepping on the toes of the "upper managements".

Just other things that found their way into my mind.

• One needs to be in a company whose work culture he/she loves. I realized this just now, and i never knew how important it was. Like in UP. The UP culture is probably something i took for granted, but now that I think about it, college would be so much harder if UP culture wasn’t what it was. SO much freedom. So much variety. So much concerts, student orgs, food. So much room and opportunity to meet people and find your own niche. When it comes to work, it will be so much easier if you like the culture–the habits, work hours, tradition–because culture is not something you can change. It’s something you have to live with. So unless you can tolerate how everyone around you handles work, might as well commit career suicide.
• I want to study again. It seems so much simpler. Or I just want to start my own business so I don’t have to spend 4 hours of my day traveling to and from work. It’ll save me a lot of time. And give me more time for sleeping (or climbing!)
• At the same time, I want to work harder because it’s the only way to succeed. Nevermind how other people may think about my situation (eg, underpaid, overworked, fattening, unhealthy), but if it’ll allow me to further my career or learn more, then i’ll stick it out.

Twice this week I planned on updating my blog. Like how Tin wrote the details of her first (or one of the first) days at work. Or even just describing the flurry of emotions that I have been  feeling for the past 9 days. But–surprise, surprise–I didn’t have time for it. I didn’t get to post the entry:

Title: Optimism level: Low

    I have work. That should speak for itself.

I also didn’t get to complete what I started jotting down in the office, since of course, I suddenly remembered I still had other stuff lined up to do and didn’t have time for blogging. But the it started out this way:

    Title: Schizophrenic

    Okay, not exactly "happy-happy-joy-joy" kind of happiness, but I was just plain overwhelmed and     numbed by the thought that Hey, I’m working!

Hay naku. Trust me to start it with something optimistic, but I was supposed to later on go through the details of how I’ve cried my heart out due to anxiety and discomfort. Shit. And how I can be saddened by a small thing, then relieved and calmed down by another, that if my emotions were put into a line graph, it would probably look like a print out of a magnitude 8 on a Richter scale.

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Drama aside, I’d have to say I feel much better now, although I wouldn’t trust my own words right now if I were you. I’ve been too unstable the past week to allow any statements to last. Nevertheless, I feel that I ought to start listing down things I ought to be thankful for, because it’s not like I’m getting out of this thing anytime soon. I was thinking last night, "Congratulations, Ina! One week down–11 more to go!" so, might as well stop whining and start making the most out of what I have, especially since what I have isn’t miniscule (nor is it massive–but that’s another story) compared to other members of the workforce out there.

So, my list of things to be happy about. Or basically, things I have to keep in mind in order to stay sane and strong and stick this job-thing out with more focus and less fear:

1. I have a job. Not everyone has a job.
2. I still get paid at the end of the month, no matter what inconveniences I run into during that month.
3. I have to remember one of the reasons why I accepted this job: To know how it is to work in the real world. So even if I’m not doing what I studied about, I’m still gaining experience.
4. Another reason why I accepted this job: To have an option of working elsewhere if the opportunity arises. So, while I’m looking for my permanent employment, at least I’m doing something that I’m learning from!
5. I make new friends, kahit papaano.
6. For every minute that I’m out of my comfort zone (which makes up, like 75% of my work day), I’m indirectly expanding my comfort zone. Like what Cali said: For every day that I feel harrassed, I can come back to work on a regular, harrassment-free day, and feel that the regular workload is much, much lighter.
7. I’m learning, i’m learning, i’m learning. Learning about work ethics, work SOPs, work jargon, dealing with people, what I like to do, time management, the important things in life, how to commute, the VALUE of time, the value of money, how other people in the workforce feel, how my climbing friends who work feel…

That’s pretty much it for now. But I will keep adding on to this. I HOPE to.

Job-hunting we will go
Job-hunting we will go
Hi-ho the merry-o
Job-hunting we will go!

…

So help me, and keep me enthusiastic, God.

And please cure my bad colds. I’m practically deaf (I think the snot has seeped into my ear canal already), and my nose is all scratched up from rubbing so much Kleenex over it.